Man I’m killing myself with these titles. Get it? Chop-chop? Like, to do something fast?
….yeah. Anyway. This is probably the 8 millionth time someone has posted instructions for how to chop an onion on the internet, but in the interest of thoroughness I figured I may as well. It’s way too easy and satisfying to learn to chop onions efficiently and I just wouldn’t want to deprive even one reader of that joy. Also I get excited about very small things.
The added bonus is you can get so fast at chopping up an onion that there’s no time for it to make you teary eyed! I’d say it now takes me about 30 seconds or less to end up with nice, small, evenly sized pieces.
So – here’s how you do it:
First things first, get a good knife and keep it sharp.
Take an onion and cut off one end (I usually cut off the stemmy side, but it doesn’t really matter)
Then cut it in half down the middle. I’m not sure where else you would cut something in half, but there you go.
Then slice it sideways – don’t cut it all the way through, though. Leave maybe a quarter inch of space. This is hard to describe – just look at the picture, I have faith in your ability to figure this out. If you want smaller pieces (or you have a big onion) you can make two horizontal cuts.
Then cut vertical slices all the way across (but again, don’t go all the way to the end of the onion. You’re sort of making a bunch of strips that are all connected at the base.)
Then turn the onion 90 degrees and chop it up. Once you get to the end just throw that last bit away and you’re left with a beautiful pile of evenly sized onion pieces. The fumes might not get you but the beauty of the thing might just make you cry anyway.